I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
