I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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