normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
