My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
