your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
