And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
