Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
