Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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