I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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