Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
