Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
