butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
