I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
