R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
