I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
