I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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