508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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