Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize