So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
