nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
