He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
