How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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