is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
