How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex on a dog bed..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
