she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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