I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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