if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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