i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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