he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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