Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
