So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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