yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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