Operation Purity has been aborted
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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