I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
