My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
