Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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