A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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