Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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