you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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