OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
