The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Two words: blizzard sex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
