I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
