Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
