Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
