i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
