i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize