sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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