You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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