there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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