As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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