get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
