If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i dont even know how to be here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Randomize
