dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
