tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it because I queefed?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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