he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
