well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
should my penis look like a turkey
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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