My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
