he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We don't watch enough power rangers
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
