So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm at about main and main street
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
