No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize