:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
