shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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