Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
