You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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