Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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