I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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