Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize