Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
