Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
