Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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