thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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