dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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