i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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