Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
