Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
