What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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